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DANCES WITH DOGS
by Suzanne Clothier
Linda Tellington-Jones uses a beautiful analogy to describe her approach to working
with animals: she sees the interaction between human and animal as a dance. For me, a good
working relationship with any animal is like a wonderful dance - smooth, joyful and the
result of two partners who clearly understand each other.
Of the two choices presented below, consider which "dancing partner" you
would prefer.
Partner A has high hopes for you as a dancing partner. As the music begins, you are not
sure of what is expected, but you're willing to try. You make a few mistakes, and begin to
hesitate. Your partner growls and roughly grabs your arm, telling you in an increasingly
louder voice what you are supposed to do. Your arm hurts, and you are beginning to be
afraid. You make more mistakes, and your partner becomes angry and frustrated. You are
desperately hoping for the music to stop. When the dance finally ends, he stalks off,
muttering about your stupidity. You are upset, and not sure you want to dance again.
Partner B has high hopes for you as a dancing partner. As the music begins, you are not
sure of what's expected but you're willing to try. You make a few mistakes, and begin to
hesitate. Ignoring the music, your partner slows down, and with a smile, explains the
basic steps again. He takes it very slow, until you've got it right. He cheers your
success, and shows you the next few steps. Each time you succeed, your confidence soars.
By the time the music stops, you're eager to learn more, and look forward to your next
dancing lessons. Your partner is very pleased with your progress, and comments on what a
bright student you are.
None of us would willingly choose Partner A. But what makes Partner B so wonderful? He
knows the value of a willing partner, and is able to help you become a willing partner
through the use of some basic techniques:
- Recognizing your hesitation as confusion, not stupidity, stubbornness or defiance
- Being flexible as a trainer. Although his initial goal might have been a flawless dance
in perfect rhythm to the music, he sees that you are not yet up to that, so he changes his
goal in order to help you learn.
- "Chunking down" the steps for you so that it is easy for you to learn and
succeed at each step
- Encouraging you by making it pleasant for you to work and learn
These techniques are the hallmarks of any skilled trainer or teacher. A willing dance
partner is neither dominant nor submissive, but relaxed, confident and able to follow a
clear lead. Within the dog-human relationship, the human usually takes the lead. After
all, he's the one who knows which dance is being danced, i.e. that the focus is on the
tango and not the cha-cha. (Notable exceptions are tracking and Search & Rescue work,
where a clear understanding of subtle signals and body language helps the human follow the
dog's lead.)
The thrill of a great performance, whether by a horse and rider, a dog and handler, or
two dance partners, is the unison of two into a smooth and effective team. The dictionary
defines teamwork as "work done by a number of associates, all subordinating
personal prominence to the efficiency of the whole." This is achieved by clarity
in communication, response to the subtlest of signals and a willing partnership.
There is no joy in dancing with a reluctant partner, or dancing at the command of an
imperious partner. While compromise is a necessary part of partnership, handlers should be
very clear about the level of enjoyment expressed by their dog. If you are looking for the
utmost in willingness in any activity, your dog must enjoy the activity as much as you do.
Almost any dog can be trained to perform the basic mechanics of any exercise. Joyful
participation in an exercise comes from the dog's spirit, pride in his work, delight in
showing what he knows. And your enjoyment and excitement about an activity can be
contagious. If your dog does not naturally find an activity enjoyable, you must be willing
to find a way to make it so, or accept the level of performance offered by a reluctant
performer.
I find it incomprehensible when handlers complain about their dogs' performance (or
lack thereof) while readily admitting that the dog hates the particular activity.
Invariably, the sentence ends with, "But I really want this title. All I need is for
the dog to do it three times successfully, and then I'll be happy." Focused on a goal
that is meaningless to the dog, the handler fails to understand that sometimes the
greatest act of love is to let go of personal goals for the sake of the relationship.
Equally incomprehensible is the handler who willingly acknowledges that they lose their
patience, or get easily frustrated, or choke under the pressure of competition, or tense
up and stop breathing in the ring BUT are unwilling to do anything about it! Critical to
any partnership is the ability and willingness to work on yourself, outside of the demands
of any activity or partnership. This is particularly true in the dog/human partnership.
Whatever your individual issues may be, if they are negatively affecting on your canine
partner, you owe it to yourself, your dog and the partnership to work to resolve or at
least minimize the effects. Try hypnosis, counseling, Tai Chi, meditation, yoga,
biofeedback or whatever suits you to learn how to control and improve yourself, but be
realistic about your responsibility to the partnership. Dogs are generous, forgiving
spirits, but they can't always give more to make up for shortcomings on your side.
Whether it's ice skating, ballroom dancing, doubles tennis, barrel racing, kayaking or
dog sports, choosing a dance partner requires some basic information. In my mind, the
dog/human partnership is very similar to a human/human partnership with one very important
exception: the dog cannot make an informed decision to participate and thus is always a
draftee, not a volunteer. This puts greater responsibility on the handler to be fair.
 Awareness of your skills and limitations as well as your partner's
What do you do best? What do you enjoy? What do you find less enjoyable? What
emotional/physical/intellectuals assets and liabilities do you bring to the partnership?
Do you choke under pressure or thrive on competition?
Accurate assessment of the kind of partner you need
Are you compulsive about training and need a partner who knows when to say
"enough"? Are you reluctant to train frequently, and need a partner who urges
you on to practicing as you should? Do you want to reach the pinnacles of achievement, or
will you be happy with an adequate performance?
Honest assessment of your goals as a team
What will be required to achieve those goals? Do both you and your partner have the
necessary skills? Are both of you equally committed to the hard work necessary? What
happens if you fall short of those goals? How will that impact the partnership? What
happens if the partnership does not work? How will you alter your goals? How will that
impact the relationship?
The pursuit of excellence is a wonderful idea. At its best, any partnership
seeks to find the indefinable spot where each partner has given their best, and together,
the highest abilities of the partnership are brought to bear on a given goal. It may not
be Olympic level performance. It may even seem laughable to those looking on. But
excellence is not always judged by external measures. Hold tight to the excellence within
your heart, for when it exists, free of ego and outside pressures, the joy of the dance
itself shines through.
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FROM BARN FIRE
to BARN OF JOY: St. Patrick's Day 2004, our barn burned to the ground,
taking with it our beloved
pig Charlotte, turkey Mabel, cats Dudley & Jessie and many chickens and turkeys
did not escape. ( Please
click here for details.) The incredible outpouring of support from
all directions has humbled and staggered us - we are truly blessed. The
new barn that stands now is the barn that love built, and includes a room for
seminars & training so that the love that made this possible can be passed along
for years to come. Thank you for
your support & patience during this difficult time. - Suzanne & John